One Twenty Five Point One
So I missed a few days of posting; I'm ok with it if you are. I've had a pretty exhausting week so it all just got on top of me I think. My joints ache, my hands are totally eviscerated and I'm exhausted - But it kept me busy and that's great. I did 2 hours of weights, 35ish kilometres of running and an hour and a half of rock climbing. Not bad for a guy that was 125.1kg (~20 stone) a year or so ago. That number really has a special meaning to me because that's the point on the scales where I decided to take control of myself. I might get it tattooed somewhere, I do really want a tattoo but I'm not sure what to get - That would be something small that I could start with. Maybe.
I've had some bad news about work. It might be a blessing in disguise but I've heard whispers that there might be random drug testing coming. That sucks because I certainly do like my special cabbage. I really think it's been helping me think deeply about stuff over the last few weeks, not to mention my entire reward system is built on "Put effort in and I'll let you smoke up at the end of the day"; I'm worried that I won't be able to replace that reward portion effectively or I'll replace it with something damaging like alcohol or binge-eating. If I could pick one trait that I'm confident in it would be my willpower though, so I think I can do this, if I can do a week then I can make it the rest of the way. For occasional use it sits in your system for 1-3 days so if I can clear out the backlog then I can stick to using it Friday after work, then Saturday and Sunday I can detox. I probably sound like an addict but I don't think I am, I just think I like drugs. Besides, I'm fairly certain my mind isn't working correctly, so mind-altering substances can't make things worse. Alright, I definitely sound like an addict. I spent all of 2016 drunk so I have the personality for it. Being dependant on anything is generally bad so maybe removing this will be a good thing; We'll see.
Driving lessons are booked for Monday, hopefully I can get him to do them throughout the week. That'd be good; More things to keep me busy. I think I finally do want to drive, not driving has started to become I prison that I've constructed for myself and I am a fucking good guard, but I'm willing to bet I want to improve more than I want to stagnate. Driving solves too many problems for it not to be something to focus on so I'm pretty excited - Which is something I never thought I'd say.
I had more to say that I thought I did this time, again I forced myself to turn up and this time there was less "Have I worded this right?" and "Oh maybe I shouldn't put it like that". I mentioned this before, my irrational fear of miscommunicating, I think writing my thoughts out is helping with that, which I'm finding very exciting. I was watching a crash course on philosophy last night and it's definitely peaked my interests, maybe with fewer drugs I'll even be able to remember some of it! I have some books by Plato and Aristotle being delivered early next week and I can't wait. I have an uncanny ability to learn and I definitely think this is something worth applying that to.
My crush has a big date-trip planned this weekend, it didn't totally kill me to hear it this time. Even I make me proud sometimes. I got this. If you wish to make the world a better place, start with yourself.
I've had some bad news about work. It might be a blessing in disguise but I've heard whispers that there might be random drug testing coming. That sucks because I certainly do like my special cabbage. I really think it's been helping me think deeply about stuff over the last few weeks, not to mention my entire reward system is built on "Put effort in and I'll let you smoke up at the end of the day"; I'm worried that I won't be able to replace that reward portion effectively or I'll replace it with something damaging like alcohol or binge-eating. If I could pick one trait that I'm confident in it would be my willpower though, so I think I can do this, if I can do a week then I can make it the rest of the way. For occasional use it sits in your system for 1-3 days so if I can clear out the backlog then I can stick to using it Friday after work, then Saturday and Sunday I can detox. I probably sound like an addict but I don't think I am, I just think I like drugs. Besides, I'm fairly certain my mind isn't working correctly, so mind-altering substances can't make things worse. Alright, I definitely sound like an addict. I spent all of 2016 drunk so I have the personality for it. Being dependant on anything is generally bad so maybe removing this will be a good thing; We'll see.
Driving lessons are booked for Monday, hopefully I can get him to do them throughout the week. That'd be good; More things to keep me busy. I think I finally do want to drive, not driving has started to become I prison that I've constructed for myself and I am a fucking good guard, but I'm willing to bet I want to improve more than I want to stagnate. Driving solves too many problems for it not to be something to focus on so I'm pretty excited - Which is something I never thought I'd say.
I had more to say that I thought I did this time, again I forced myself to turn up and this time there was less "Have I worded this right?" and "Oh maybe I shouldn't put it like that". I mentioned this before, my irrational fear of miscommunicating, I think writing my thoughts out is helping with that, which I'm finding very exciting. I was watching a crash course on philosophy last night and it's definitely peaked my interests, maybe with fewer drugs I'll even be able to remember some of it! I have some books by Plato and Aristotle being delivered early next week and I can't wait. I have an uncanny ability to learn and I definitely think this is something worth applying that to.
My crush has a big date-trip planned this weekend, it didn't totally kill me to hear it this time. Even I make me proud sometimes. I got this. If you wish to make the world a better place, start with yourself.
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